My neighbor

So I don’t like my neighbor. There are several reasons. The first and foremost is he is so disrespectful. One day he got drunk came to my house and called me a”Fu*king A$$hole”. I had friends over, we were drinking as well and he thought it was an open invitation to swing on by to try to fight me. Luckily I had some bigger friends who helped control this guy.

My house overlooks his yard, which is mostly beer cans, dirt and a few broken bikes and swing sets, but he does have a sweet fire pit. If I have my lights on IN my house and he is having a bon fire he throws beer bottles at my house. His dogs bark ALL THE TIME. His kids are little punks, I think the youngest just graduated from Logan High. They have tried to steal beer from my porch, they have run through my flower gardens I had planted the week before, I saw one peeing through the chain-link fence into my yard (if Dad is anything like his son, I can see what he is over compensating for). I have to say though, he is a great father. He shares everything with his kids….from beer to weed, he has a very kind heart. They litter in the river, they play loud music any time they feel like it, they throw wild parties all the time, because of the fire pit the parties are within 20-30 feet of my house and happen year-round. They have a hot tub and all the methed-out tramps that hang out there start screaming at 2 a.m. Usually something about how they never work out and look so hot, I have seen some of these dogs and MAN if I had a sunken face from meth, and saggy tits like them I would wear a paper sack and a moo moo in the hot tub.

Now I am not perfect, my dog barks when the mail lady comes. My side yard is to shady to plant anything, there is no garbage there though. I throw roughly 2 parties a year, but my house is not next to his, his backyard sits next to my house so I know he never hears my parties. There is one thing I do that is pretty bad…..I throw crap in his yard. Everytime I find a beer can/bottle in my yard I throw it back and send some dog crap over….kind of like a reverse tip. 

I have finally realized why this dude is such a douche bag…I allow him to be one. I have never called the cops on him….the neighbor next to him is a different story. I usually throw the beer cans (with poo) back in his yard without saying anything, I fish his garbage out of the river and put it in my trash can. I put up fences to block out his yard and don’t tell him why.

Maybe what I should be doing is walking over there at a time he is somewhat sober and have a convo about being a good neighbor, then start calling the cops. I know he was fired from Staker/Parsons for a dirty U.A, he should be home all day.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with a neighbor like this?

Fat is not a disability

I am such a dick. I laugh when kids fall down, I like watching people get hit in the groin and I love watching people trip up or down stairs. There is one thing I am super sensitive to though, and that is people’s bodies.

I will be the first to admit my body is not perfect; there is so much I am not satisfied with. I have love handles, I have wide feet, I hate my freckles, moobs, and my beard comes in red. I have a very low self body image, and no I am not fishing for compliments. Recently though I have started to become more comfortable with my body, and I am liking that…back to my body though. Some of these things I could change, some I could not, and to be truthful given the chance a few of these things I would not change. There is one physical feature I hate, regardless of gender, age, race or sexual orientation…morbidly obese people. 

Pudgy is fine, plump is ok, and overweight is still not an issue…what I have an issue with is the person who has a handicap sticker in their car because they don’t have the strength to walk the 20 yards to buy their vat of Crisco. Before I go any further I want to reiterate I am not talking about girls with curves, or guys with spare tires. I realize one day I too will be overweight, but I think I love myself enough to stop the progression before I get to the point that I bitch at a retail employee because all they have are non-motorized wheel chairs.

Yes that happened, this cow also parked her double-wide of a wheel chair at the only open check stand and made the employees do her shopping. She had brought an ad with her, and would point things out and expected that the staff run and get her each item. This is the part that gets frustrating, not only was she tying up the checkout line demanding to be catered to like the Queen of France, she also had no idea what she really wanted, so anything we presented her was wrong. She honestly wanted to see every item in the store infront of her so she could compare prices, specs and colors. She then complained that the staff was “rude and vulgar.” I got your rude and vulgar right here bitch! Some might say she was just having a bad day…nope, this is not the first time this land whale has oozed her way into this particular store to demand service. The previous occasion was the same only Balooga must have spent too much money on the Twinkie I.V. drip and her check wouldn’t clear the bank. Don’t worry she saw this as the stores way of discriminating against her and caused a scene at the customer service desk.

Time for me to be rational. I understand the need for parking spaces to accommodate those with true disabilities. A care taker needs those extra wide spots to maneuver wheel chairs and deploy special lifts to get people in and out of their vehicles. I also think that the elderly should have priority parking, they too have a real issue with walking that they probably can’t control. People who have had an illness that makes walking difficult also need these spots, but you know who doesn’t need this spot? The horrible smelling 900lb skid mark who is so angry with herself, her life, and the world that she is literally eating herself to death while trying to make life miserable for those who are just trying to help.

If this woman was pleasant I would have been more sympathetic….if she had attempted to wheel herself around the store I would have been more sympathetic, and had respect that she sees her weight is an issue and she is doing small things to combat the issue. Anyone who knows me KNOWS that I would have pushed her myself, let her lean on me while shopping or would have pushed her cart for 4 hours if she asked me to….just as long as she was pleasant and respectful.

I understand there are people who are naturally heavier than others, again this is not who I am talking about. I know people that are in amazing physical condition, but don’t have the body of Brad Pitt, and those who are ripped but can’t run a block. If this woman would have even tried to walk in the store to get some exercise I would have respected her, treated her with kindness and accommodated her to the end of the world….rolling up to customer service and demanding service will get you neither respect, or good customer service. I want to have tons of unprotected sex, get an STD and demand a handicap sticker for my car. Who’s with me?

Peace

What year is this?

The following letter to the editor was published in my local paper. My responses will be in red. 

To the editor:Last week your paper reported that USU hired Maure Smith (at taxpayers’ expense) to “keep homosexuals and transsexuals safe.”So I ask again, “How does homosexuality safely fit in a heterosexual world?” How do heterosexual boys safely share a tent or locker room with homosexual boys? I have shared a house, a bathroom, a bedroom and a tent with a homosexual and NEVER have been molested. I showered in high school with all the boys, showered at local gyms and have never been oggled, raped, or hit on. Most parents would not allow their daughters to share those spaces with boys, so why put homosexual boys with heterosexual boys? Heterosexual boys do not look at homosexual boys and get a boner. They could look at the girls and be aroused. Homosexuals can control their thoughts. Just like most people don’t go to the beach and get wood because they see a girl in a bikini. Homosexuals claim they cannot help or control the way they are. Can you will your hair to change from blonde to black? You can dye it and cover it up, but the roots will always come back the same. I can try to pray it away, I can have sex with girls, I can go on a mission, but at the end of the day I am still attracted to men.Then why do we think they will control the way they behave?  Are they better behaved than heterosexuals? No, but contrary to popular belief homosexuals have morals too.A local high school student told me she was assigned to room with lesbians on a high school trip. Teen-age lesbians had sex in the adjacent bed each night. Heterosexuals would have been sent home for such behavior. This student was told to be more tolerant. Who will educators hire to protect girls who share rooms with lesbians? This is obviously a lie, and should discredit his whole article. If the educator looked past it, a parent should have filed a lawsuit, the chaparone would have been listed as a defendant, an would be fired. Sorry dude, you are a liar.

USU has rules against co-ed dorms, but they encourage homosexual behavior. How is it encouraged? I want evidence and proof. I have never seen the required class called “Becoming gay, even though you are straight 1020.” Is this not a contradiction? And why do we as a community turn a blind eye to it?Most divorced or widowed women say their children need fathers. Divorced men say their children need mothers. Sociologists point to the absence of the father in the home as one of the major causes of social deviance in children. Yet educators and politicians promote lesbian marriages which permanently remove fathers from homes, and the lives of children. Many homosexual men believe their children do not need mothers. Do we believe children do not need mothers? If we support gay marriages we do. No homosexual partners can biologically create a child of their own, they must adopt. Which is better a home with two loving adults, or a child who moves from foster home to foster home, or worse grows up in an orphanage over seas that has never been held, never had a toy, is never talked to, never taught how to walk or talk? Which is worse a two parent home, or a home where the parents are constantly fighting and screaming at each other?The Catholic Church faced uproars because many boys were molested by homosexual pedophile priests. They molested boys because they had access to them. They had access because society puts boys in the care of men, and girls in the care of women. Mormons molest boys too. There is a case right now in the Northwest where a Mormon home teacher raped a boy repeatedly. A friend whose wife works with sexual predators said there are no homosexuals currently incarcerated in Logan for molestation. There are sick people who have raped kids being held, but they are heterosexuals who performed a homosexual act with a child, they are sick heterosexuals. Furthermore there is a higher chance that a family member will molest a child than a non family member, gay or straight.Men cannot be trusted chaperoning girls. True, no bishops should ever be at girls camp because they are rapists, right? And homosexual men cannot be trusted with boys. The Catholics learned this tragic lesson. Must we also learn that lesson? Several Cache Valley teachers were recently convicted for molesting students. Does it not alarm educators that these molestations were homosexual as well? Again, there are nasty people from all religions, and if we look at facts I am willing to bet the majority of child molestations in Logan are commited by Mormons due to a higher concentration. We need to see that it is the individual that commits crimes, not demographics.

I do not understand why so much is being done to protect homosexual behavior, but so little is being done to understand the conflict its acceptance brings to a community. I know the conflict, it is people who are unwilling to open their eyes that parents rape kids, uncles, grandpas, cousins rape kids. Married men rape kids, Mormons, Jews, Catholics, Methodists and Stake Presidents rape kids. The conflict occurs because people are unwilling to look at facts and are afraid of what they don’t know. The educators just won a battle for the exclusive right to teach our children. Not true, there are private schools, charter schools and home school options. I am concerned however with what many of them are teaching and promoting among our children. I am concerned as well, I had to learn pythagoras theorem, and have never used it. What I never learned was it was okay to be gay, or that it was normal to feel different. I learned math in math class. I learned biology in biology, and learned creative writing in creative writing. Will someone from the homosexual community please write and explain how homosexuality “fits” in tents, locker rooms, overnight school trips and college dorms? You’re right douche bag, gay people should not go camping, should not work out at gyms, should be denied educational trips and should not have access to state funded housing. Could someone from the “straight community” get an education.

Mont Poulsen

Smithfield

I have tried to so hard to have nothing but kind words to say about the LDS people and faith. I never wanted to feel a divide between me and the majority of Utahn’s. I hate that I am feeling anger and hate toward the LDS faith. Why do people have to be so ignorant? I know that this is one guy in a sea of really cool Mormons, but I am seeing the same bigoted comments everywhere I look. I am hearing the same hate speach spewed from good Mormons mouths. I am sick of it, and am getting sick of them.

That’s it? We are late for the club!

These are the exact words my friend “Sauerkraut” said when I told her I was gay. It was such a non-issue I was pissed. She wasn’t surprised, she wasn’t angry at me for being gay…she was mad that I made her late to the club. This was my favorite reaction of anyone. I have been thinking about this because it has been one year since I officially came out. So I am going to tell my story.

The weekend before Thanksgiving 2006 I came out of the closet, but it started years before. When I was in about 4th grade I knew something was different, but didn’t know exactly what. I felt different toward my male friends than my female friends. When my friends started to hit puberty and started to flirt and kiss girls, I was so confused. I felt so out of place, something I should have just gotten used to. In order to fit in I would hold girls hands, and flirt with them at Classic Skating. I thought it was just that I was a “late bloomer” but once I hit puberty I would become “normal.”

Jr. High came and that was where the divide started. My male friends were girl crazy, all we would talk about was girls, it was so boring. I remember a friend of mine found a stash of his brothers porn, for him it was like the lottery, for me it was like finding a dictionary. Again, I thought I would grow out of it. Soon my group of friends and I started to drift apart and I found a group of girls to hang out with.

My Sophomore year of High School my 2 best friends were girls, it was fine, but I always felt like I was missing out on hanging with guys, and doing things guys do. They got boyfriends and I was just an awkward 5th wheel. By now I knew I was not going to grow out of anything, but I thought if I prayed about it, and went to church, and did all the things good Mormon boys do it would go away, after all, the scriptures do say that man will not be tempted beyond his limits. So I assumed I could pray it away. My Senior year my parents moved a whole 2 miles. I was in the same school but my ward changed. I met a few new friends who were male and we started to hang out. They were good kids, they liked the same things I did, so we hung out a lot. I had a lot of girlfriends in this time, and kissed a lot of girls….it was lame though. Honestly I think I had deprived myself so much of my basic sexuality that I was almost “asexual”at the time. I didn’t like girls and I didn’t like boys. I was Jeff and that is all.

When high school ended I went to Weber State University for a year, I was supposed to go on a mission, that is what all Mormon boys do. I was so depressed though. I didn’t want to go on a mission, I felt like I was giving up my life, my personality and most importantly my freedom. I complied though and got a mission call. I was to go to Connecticut, leaving in June 2001. Well I obviously didn’t go, and enrolled at USU. I moved up here and went wild. I had gone from “Peter Priesthood” to….not peter priesthood. This whole time I was still dating girls, treating them like shit so they would dump me, then moving on to the next.

I was in school, out of school, moving all over Logan…but one thing always followed me…I’m gay. I left the church from 2001-2005, during this time oddly I still didn’t come out. Looking back on it I think the reason is, growing up my father was so anti-gay I was anti-gay. I hated the idea of being gay, I hated the lifestyle I saw. I hated gay people, what a strange thing to have to deal with, hating what you are. It was a very dark time in my life, but I had, and have really good friends. Although I never told them what was wrong, and some never even knew I was in a 2 year depression, I could always lean on my friends.

In 2005 I decided to buy a house. In April I closed and moved in. “Sauerkraut” moved in with me for 2 months after her graduation, but left in July. I owned a house, had a dog and a cat, a car and had no one to share it with. It was horrible. My friends Poodle and Wyoming moved in in August and I wasn’t alone anymore….until Summer 2006. I was sitting on my couch in July. I had gotten off work and came home there was nothing to do. The house was spotless, the yard was mowed, fertilized and weeded. The car was washed, and I was watching a movie when it hit me. This will be me in 30 years, only with a different dog. Wow, how sad is that, it was then and there I decided I needed to change something or I would have nothing.

It took 3 months to get the courage, but I did it. The first person I told was Summer, then the “Lewiston Peeps” then Poodle, then Johnny Boy and then I don’t know who. In 3 weeks I told my parents, all my friends, coworkers…the ones I consider friends…and other “safe” people. The reactions ranged from “I always knew” to “are you kidding me?” to “That’s it? We are late for the club!” My friends were so amazing, they introduced me to people, they didn’t judge and most important they never left me.

My “second family” was so amazing. The parents were so supportive, they told their older kids, who really didn’t care. Eventually they told their younger kids who had some truly amazing reactions….the second to youngest was so compassionate according to the mom.

Before I came out to anyone though, I had to leave the church. The missionaries found me the Spring of 2005. They came by a lot and eventually I started to go back. I ended up with a metric butt-load of callings. I liked it, but I always felt like a hypocrite, always teaching the gospel, never living it. I went to my bishops house one night, told him I was gay and asked to be released from my callings. He was SOOO nice, I will never have anything negative to say about this man. He is the most amazing LDS person I have ever met. He tried to convince me to not go, but in the end he respected it was a decision I was making for me. I felt sick, yet free leaving his house. 

Eventually I told my entire family. They were a bit more dramatic, but there were some amazing surprises. The people I thought would disown me told me they loved me, the ones I thought would accept me threatened to take their kids away. As I was telling each of them I let them know they could say whatever they wanted to me and I would not be offended because I knew this was a huge shock for them. The family member who reacted the worst, I call the most, that is the sibling I hang out with most, and between you and me I like those nephews the most too.

Overall it was a good experience. I lost no friends and have never been “Mathew Sheparded.” I have learned about tolerance, love, respect, understanding, and  what family really is. I have learned that it’s okay to be gay. It’s okay to have an opinion, and most importantly I learned who I really am. I have never felt so free.

Peace

A few observations

As you know by know I was in the Mid-West for the last week. I landed in Indianapolis and drove to Dearborn, MI. From Dearborn I went to Columbus, OH and back to Indianapolis. I drove about 800 miles, but I love to drive so it was easy. Here are a few things I noticed on my travels.

1) Utahns really are bad drivers. In the three states I drove through there was a common theme…even on divided highways, the left lane is truly a passing lane. In the right lane people go the speed limit. The left lane is for passing passing only. If you are going 10 over you stay right as long as possible, then pass using the left lane then immediately get right. In Utah?? Well driving home yesterday I noticed that people LOVE the left lane and sit there…even when there is NO ONE in the right lanes. There are 4 empty right lanes but some Ass-Hat in their Toyota Sienna feel they MUST drive in the left lane.

2) I noticed that at no time in the Mid-West do you know where you are going. You know those signs that say “Las Vegas 320 Miles” or “Brigham City 17 Miles” well in all 3 states I noticed they don’t tell you what city lies ahead. The only time do they mention a city is “Dearborn Next 4 Exits.” I had to call a coworker to ask if I was going the right direction because you never know.

3) I noticed that people are ugly in the Mid-West. The men don’t dress well, and the women are gross. It was awful. It was fun coming to the SLC airport to see all the attractive men.

4) Utah is pretty clean. The older houses in Utah are kept nicer, the Utah yards are cleaner, the Utah streets are in better condition. The business’s in Utah are more inviting. I was pretty surprised.

5) Utah has awesome speed limits. On the freeways in the city the speed limit is 55. On the outskirts of the major cities you can go 65, and in the middle of Crotch Dust you can go 70mph. I also noticed there was more traffic enforcement going on.

So there are some interesting tidbits about my journey. Nothing really exciting, but all I feel is true.

Peace

Day 3, bad ventilation.

So as many of you know….because you read my previous blog entry. I am on the road. A few times a year i get to travel for work. Nothing fancy, just a few days in the Mid-West showing people software. So here is the play-by-play thus far.

Day 1 – Northwest sucks
I left Cache Valley bright and early, like 5:15 ish to catch an 8:20 flight. I figured 2 hours to drive there, and an hour to check in was plenty…..boy was I wrong. Keep in mind I commuted to SLC for 3 months so I am pretty familiar with the morning rush traffic from Logan. I got there at 7:40 a.m. I was freaking out, I hate being late, but always am. So I parked the car, ran to the shuttle stop and waited for a shuttle. Don’t worry I lucked out and got the slowest airport shuttle, driven by the oldest man, who liked to stop for anyone within a 100 yard radius of the bus to yell “you need a lift?” Inevitably the person in the parking lot would say “YES!” and slow their hurried jog to a slow walk because, hey the bus is guaranteed to be there no matter how slow they walk. It took 15 minutes to get to the counter. So I have 25 minutes before the plane departs. I run to the service counter, no line wahoo!!! and tell the clerk which plane I need to board, she says “no.” *almost start to cry* “WHAT?” She says “It is Northwest’s policy to not allow anyone to board unless they are at the terminal at-least 30 minutes in advance.” I was so screwed….I was going to miss my flight. She tells me that she can book me on the 2:10 p.m. flight, I said fine. So I check in, go through security and walk to A4, I really don’t know why, I think I wanted to confirm that my plane was really gone…..WHICH IT WASN’T! Not only was the plane NOT gone, it wasn’t even fully boarded yet! Oh they joy that fell upon me. I could catch the early flight after all. So I go to the desk to tell the agent I was going to change back to my original flight after all, to which she replied “no.” WTF! Are you kidding me? I was LIVID. I was standing at the gate looking at 15-20 people who still were not on the flight, I should be on, but I could not go with them. I was so mad I was almost screaming. She told me the same b.s. line about 30 minutes in advance. Bottom line I left at 2:20p.m. and will never fly Northworst ever again.

Day 2 – Hey Utah
So when attending conferences as a vendor you meet a lot of really cool people, and you meet a lot of dicks. I happen to attract the dicks, and not in the way I would like either. Our name tags had the following information, Name, Company, and City/State. So I was Jeff “Jones” – Bobs Burger-Rama - Logan, Utah. So this old guy from Forensic Fluids Laboratories (they had a felt board for a display) decided to call me “Utah” only he never told me. I knew his name, and assumed he knew mine. So through out the boring day I would hear the words “hey Utah” and was so confused. Who shouts out state names in the middle of a Hilton Ballroom? I heard it several times……finally today the old man walked up to me and said “do you ignore everyone?” He was mad too, I was so confused. He said he was “hollering” at me all day yesterday and today. I apologized and said I never heard him say my name. He said “I been yelling at you for two days Utah.” That is when it clicked….and for some reason I was pissed. So I said, “Well my name isn’t Utah, Michigan.” That ended the convo.

Day 3 – Steak and Shake
If you read my previous post you know that I really don’t care what I eat. I have decided there are two kinds of people in the world. Those who would splurge and spend $50 on a fancy meal, and those who wont. I would wager 99% of the people I call friends wouldn’t indulge in a fancy pants meal, and I like it that way. I hate intellectual snobs, food snobs, socioeconomic snobs and Wyoming. So needless to say I didn’t spend much of my money at the hotel restaurant. Instead I went to Steak and Shake. It must be a regional fast food restaurant because I have never seen it before, but I am seeing commercials for it on TV. Anyway I have eaten there 2 times now. It is a very inconvenient walk for me though, as I am transient bait. Some dude on a bike asked if I had rolling papers, another guy was stalking me and the bellman from the Hyatt, where I am NOT staying asked that I wait him out in their lobby. ANYWAY, I like Steak and Shake, my intestines and the cleaning lady do not. The first night my room smelled of greasy fast food and hotel soap. The second night my room smelled like greasy fast food and soap. This morning my room smelled like greasy farts. I must have exploded in my sleep. Damn it stunk. I turned on the fan, but I think it just recycled the air….it was rotten, and there are no windows. I got dressed and manned a booth for 4 hours but my guts were killing me so I went back to the hotel room to lose 15-20 lbs. When I got there I noticed the distinct scent of Citrus…the cleaning lady must used a case of Oust trying to freshen this place. Jokes on her though, my room smells worse than ever. FYI I am leaving a tip for the cleaning lady in the morning.

Well that is all as of now. Tomorrow I am driving to Michigan to see Ford F-150′s get assembled, and Saturday I am going to visit a good friend in Ohio. Sunday I come home, stay tuned.

Peace  

Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his brother in the woods?

That is possibly the funniest joke ever. Another favorite joke:

Q) What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A) A salad shooter

Anyway I am 99% sure I am a weekday blogger. Come Friday I forget all about this silly blog, so for all you loyal readers, ignore this blog on Saturday and Sunday. My dog ran into the fridge yesterday at full speed. He was chasing one of the many cats in the house and didn’t make the turn. Oh and I am going to Indiana for a week starting tomorrow. That will be fun. I am taking a few extra days to go to Michigan. I really want to see the Ford Factory again. I went last year and loved it, so I decided to make it an annual trip. I found a rental car for $17 a day, what a deal! I do want to point out a few facts one must accept if you ever have the need to travel with me.

1) I only stay at the cheapest hotels. I don’t care if there is a crack house on one side and the Headquarters for the Republican Party on the next. If I can get a room for under $40 a night, I am there
2) I don’t have a plan. I don’t make reservations, I don’t arrange activities…I usually don’t even know where I am. I like the adventure!
3) I don’t try new restaurants. The last thing I want is to die of trichinosis while in BFE. I eat at McDonalds, and McDonalds only. I know I have a 86% chance of botulism, but it is most likely the same strain as what I get in Logan, so I am immune.
4) Crazy things can and will happen. I never have a boring trip. Because I have no plans, only stay in dives and have no idea where I am going, odd things happen. I ended up jet-skiing with some hoe from the GAP in Missouri. I watch drunk judges pee off the side of a ski boat. I meet bums who needed a new prosthesis, but use Taco Bell cups for the time being. Great thing happen when you just go with the flow.

So I am really excited about this trip. The first 3 days will be lame, it will be all work. The last 3 are going to rock! No responsibilities, no deadlines, just me a rental car and the Mid-West!!! Pictures and a wrap-up will come!

Peace

I Joined a Gang

I try to post no more than once a day, but I don’t consider my previous rantings a post…..so here is my real post for the day.

It is true I joined a gang…I was roughly 10 years old at the time. If I recall correctly I even started this gang. Here is the tale.

A neighborhood kid and I thought an older neighbor kid was so cool. He was 16 had a car, powder blue Nissan Sentra, and pretty much did what he wanted. We were 100% convinced he was in a gang. To try to be like him we wanted to be in a gang as well (side note, looking back this kid was a complete loser.) Thus the formation of “The Roller Blading King Vipers.”

Why RBKV? Well we liked to rollerblade and Mike told me king vipers were the most deadly animal in the world, so naturally it was a fit. Bear in mind this was 1991 and rollerblading was cool at the time, and all the knowledge we had about gangs came from the school D.A.R.E. officer. We were either going to solve, or commit crimes, it is hard to remember, either way we set out to be the neighborhood bad asses. I on my neon yellow Veraflex, and he on his Macro-Blades we skated around like tough guys. I always did hate Mike a little because of his sweet rollerblades.

After a few weeks a third neighborhood kid wanted to join the gang, so we decided to “jump him in.” I am not sure we knew what it meant, and to be truthful I am not even sure that real gangs still use, or have ever used that term. The new guy didn’t want to be “jumped in” so we made rules. I think there were 10 or so rules, here are a few.

1) No violence

2) I was the gang therapist

3) Anyone cool could be in our gang

4) Our parents could never know about our gang

I think I was activly involved in the gang for about a 2 weeks, then I ended up hating them because I decided they weren’t cool. That was the last time I was ever in a gang. To this day I would like to know if there is an active RBKV chapter anywhere. If so, I am your God!

Peace

Say your name or STFU

Ok I am pissed. PISSED. The Herald Journal, or HJ which is funny because an hj and the HJ News are worth about the same amount, sucks. The Herald Journal has this thread going, I am not going to tell you where to find it, or what the topic is, but this thread is out of control. Originally it was about politics, now it is a slanderous piece of crap. No one there has the balls to post with their real name, the one person that did was crucified. The people who are bashing don’t know her I am sure, if they knew her they wouldn’t be saying those things. The HJ needs to man up and close that thread, or expose everyone with real names, email address’s and IP address’s. It is out rageous. To the person who was talked badly about….you are a wonderful person, and you know you are. I hope you take nothing personally from those Fuck-Tards who don’t have the balls to post their names. If they want to be real men, or women they can comment below with their real names and email address’s. I am sure none will. I am done with the Hand Job News.

p.s. I am so pissed I am not correcting spelling, grammar or anything else.

Peace

*Edit* I called the HJ News. The person I spoke with was VERY nice, VERY understanding and VERY receptive to speaking with me. I have taken an hour or so to cool off, and do think the HJ News is a good paper, I was just venting. The reason I am keeping my post up is what I originally wrote was how I felt at the time. Again, I want to publicly thank the HJ News for acting responsibly to what was written.

Sexiest Man Alive!

First, some housekeeping. I voted, did you? Excellent! You are a great American. Second, I hate catching colds. I become the biggest baby. I want to lie on the couch, eat junk food covered in a minimum of 6 blankets, and I want to talk to no one. I hate being “taken care of” I hate talking to people, I hate any sort of interaction with anyone. Good thing I have a cold, and my job is to talk on the phone. Third, today as I was blowing my nose a guy was taking a pee and left the bathroom without washing his hands, but curiously dried his hands after taking a pee. Jess thinks the rubbing action rids your hands of germs. If this is the case several of my body parts are 100% sterile.

You know that magazine that rates the 100 sexiest people each year? They sit on a throne of lies! I have met the sexiest man alive, he lives in the Cache Valley and works at Chevron. Whenever I see him I get all nervous, act like an idiot and want to cry, the good kind of cry, like when one bears their testimony. “I like to bear my testimony, I want to make out with the cashier….” You get the point. For anyone that doubts how hot this man is, you are wrong. I have an arsenal of testimonials, you can ask Jess, Buns, Riley or Raydar….well Raydar claims to have an elephants wiener so he might not be a credible source, but you get the picture. I sent another friend in to bask in his beauty, Kamille claims he has a creepy stare, I think she has a creepy face! The problem is, no one can tell if he is gay, straight or asexual. I am hoping for asexual, because I want to have “asexual” encounter with him. He is 6’3″ 210, dark hair, beautiful eyes, amazing teeth and a great physique. There is controversy on his hair though, some like it, some hate it. To address this issue I would say; would you turn down a Ferrari if the leather seats were brown rather than black? Yeah, I thought not. Now for the homework assignment…how do I find out the orientation? And how do I make him fall in love with me? A little help here!

Peace