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My roommate blogs, her biggest day ever is 17 hits. Want to help me damn near double that? Yes? Ok, click HERE

Thanks,

Jeff

Why I will be fired.

So as most of you know I work 2 jobs. The first job is what pays the bills. The second job is part time and pays for the fun stuff. I work about 25 hours a week at Bed Bath and Beyond. While I am not passionate about duvet covers and Kitchen Aide mixers, I manage to get through the days, barely. Some days it is so boring I pray for an earthquake. Recently I have been spicing it up by scaring people.

I LOVE being scared. My favorite thing to do is hide under a roommates bed and grab their ankles as they climb in bed. Anyway…I have found that hiding in a big box and jumping out screaming while a coworker takes the trash out is my second favorite way to scare people. What is funnier is I get to watch the replay on the security camera. I usually get the crap kicked out of me, but man nothing is funnier than watching a coworker fall on the floor and try to drag her body away from me. That sounded really bad.

I hate the following things in music:
1) Talking. example: In the song by Rhianna, I dont know the name, but the lyrics go….”But you put on quite a show, very entertaining, but it’s over now, go on and take a bow…..” she SAYS the words “leave” and “please.” If I wanted to hear someone speak words to me I would listen to a book on tape…Rhianna….suck it.

2) I hate songs that suck…such as that song, again don’t know title, or artist, it is about the summer of 1989. The lyric is “we tried new things, we smoked funny things” FOR HELLS SAKE IF YOU CAN’T FIND 2 DIFFERENT WORDS THAT RHYME DON’T RHYME! I will come up with words that rhyme with “things”…sing, ding, ping, ring, cling, fling, swing…etc. You see, it isn’t that  hard, and why does this song piss me off so much? I can’t put my finger on it, but this song sucks huge amount of balls.

3) Any song with a whistle, horn, bell, siren, or anyother NON musical sound.

4) Songs that try to tug at heart strings. The most blatant offender is “Do You Remember” by the hack Allen Jackson.

5) Anything by U2.

Peace

How do you know when you need to update your blog more….

when you for get the name of your blog. I honestly forgot what the name of my blog was…good thing I have it favorited.

It is official, I am a stalker, almost. Recently I have been looking for a new hobby, I have found that there are nights I just fall asleep on the couch watching movies I have seen hundreds of times. It is now getting darker later and I have more daylight hours to kill. I am taking fewer credits this semester so I have less homework…….and for all these problems who would have thought stalking is the answer. There is only problem, the man I am stalking is wise, oh so wise.

His name is Craig. He was born in Ireland to a couple of migrant workers, his parents worked the potato fields in the summer and fall, they would then winter in France working in vineyards. Craig’s mother didn’t know she was pregnant until the “neat” day that she gave birth to him. Craighad several hobbies as a child, they were: Judging people, denying health care to people, giving tax cuts to the wealthy, discriminating against homosexuals and more. You see, Craig came out of the womb a registered Republican.  When Craig was 6, he and his family were run out of Ireland after Craig tried to pass a law that prohibited the sale of alcohol on Sunday. At this time they traveled to America, stowed away in a cargo ship. I was surprised they still had cargo ships, and people still stowed away on them, but this is true. Anyway his mother put him in an Addidas duffelbag and only opened the bag in the night and would give him jerky and dried lettuce she had packed with her. After several weeks the boat came ashore and they escaped when the teamsters began to unload the contents of the ship. They hitch hiked most of the way to the Mid-West where they settled. Craig’s father worked at a novelty joke shop and his mother worked for the local dairy, she put the automatic milkers on the cows teats. Anyway Craig soon met the love of his life at a political event, they were trying to destroy something, either Wales or Wells, I can never remember which. They soon married and moved to Logan (this is the part where I stalk him.)

One day I am reading See, Hear, Speak No Evil, the worlds most sparkly blog when I see someone so svelt, so dapper, so unbelievably Republican that I new I must take this chance and stalk him. Here is the part I am struggling with…I don’t know where he lives.

I know that he hangs out on the KNVUchatroom from 4:00 pm – 5:00 pm. I know where he works, I know which bus he takes home. I know which mechanic he uses, I even know his license plate number…but alas this sly devil has managed to protect the location of his home, here is a true conversation.

Jeff *driving down the street sees Craig at the bus stop* “Hey Craig, want a ride?”
Craig: Sure
Jeff: Oh this means I finally get to see where you live!
Craig: Oh crap my wife has my house keys, will you take me to the bus station so I can wait for her?
Jeff: YOU DONT WANT ME TO KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!
Craig: No really my set of keys are in the car, and the car is at the shop.
Jeff: Ok, well I will take you to the shop so you can get your keys.
Craig: No it’s cool you can take me to the bus station

I then proceeded to drive PAST the mechanic to take Craig to the bus station. Just so you all know, he lives within three blocks of me. I was THIS close to being able to peer in his windows and watch him sleep, he is a clever one! SO THEN! GET THIS! My car needed to go to the shop as well, it just so happens that I use the same mechanic as him….4th North Car Smart is AMAZING. Anyway so, being the nice guy I am, I ask Craig…”Do you want me to see if the mechanic will give me your House keys while I am there? I can drop them off at your house.” Keep in mind the work I was getting done on my car was like a 2 hour job, his car needed some serious love. Craigsaid, “Yeah sure see if they will give you that.” Not 2 hours after this conversation I get this voice mail “Hey Jeff it’s Craig. I went to the mechanic and got the keys to my house, I didn’t want you to know where I live.” WHAT THE HELL!! I was trying to do something nice for the little champ. Oh well, I guess I will have to peer into every window within a one mile radius until I find Craig.

Peace

Are you happy Jessica? I blogged.