It’s official…

When I become a cage fighter my name will be “Sparkles.”

Suck It!

But everyone’s doin it!

I know I am a year behind on this, and I know everyone has done one and thinks it is HILLARIOUS so they send it around to all of their friends, and no one laughs but they still email back things like “OMG I peed my pants!” So then you decide to make one of your own and you laugh and laugh and laugh and send it to everyone you know and convince yourself that the people who responded to your email were telling the truth when they told you they just “peed their pants.”

Confused? Click HERE

SUCK IT!

I’m naming names!

So there is a girl, a nice girl, a girl who doesn’t cause much trouble…until she wants something. I had that something, a small dog, well the contact information for this small dog. The owners decided the small dog, Roxy, needed a home where she would receive more attention and not be a scared lil panda all day. So I told this girl, lets call her “Shana”, that they were giving this dog away. Every damn day for weeks she asked if she could have the dog, can I get a picture of the dog, is the dog cute, how much does it weigh, is it nice and most importantly, is it “cuddly.” So I ask my friend all the questions and he told me his family couldn’t bear to give the lil dog up anymore. So I call “Shana” and tell her that the dog was now off the market, they love her to much. A few days go by and the friend tells me they are in fact ready to send Roxy off to a new home, and is my friend still interested? So I call “Shana” and she is still interested, and is so excited, so I tell her to call my friend, which she does, and he sends her pics of the dog and all the details. So this is going great, Roxy will have a real home, the family though heart broken wants what is best for the dog as is willing to part with her and “Shana” can stop bugging me now. So “Shana” takes the dog for less than 24 hours and returns her. Chana, I mean “Shana”……

Suck it!

P.S. I still love “Shana” and want to send some linky love her way!

This just in: My armpits stink

I’m taking a shower.

SUCK IT!

Farmers UNITE!

So it appears we have a huge underground of readers that at one time or another has worked at “The Farm.” I am intentionally not saying the name of the company for I do not want anyone in management to find my blog and fire my butt. So if you were, are or want to be a member of the “Farm Club” leave some feedback so we all know how long ago you worked there and what your job was!

Oh and today I was driving to school yacking on the phone with Jess (I remember talking to Jess) but dont remember driving to school. After class I went to the parking lot and my car was not there. I walked every aisle looking for my car and that is when the panic set in…my car was stolen. I was furious. I can’t afford to not have a car, and I work so hard and every time I get one step ahead life kicks me in the sack and pushes me back. So I decided to call the police and report my stolen car…who steals a car with 200k miles on it? I know it is an easy target since my window wont roll up, but seriously there are way nicers cars to take than mine. So as I am deciding what to do I think I remember parking in the parking terrace, but am not sure if it was a dream or not. Just to be safe I walk up Old Main hill, and go to the terrace. Sure enough on the 3rd level I see my car. I need more sleep.

SUCK IT! (thanks Jess for the new tag line.)

A book was purchased!

Our dear friend Jess bought a book…the blog shall live on!

I am pretty sure I am moving the day I graduate, I have none of the details figured out yet but all I know is I need a change. Today at work I found out there are rumors about me, not so nice rumors, they are the kind of rumors that could mess up a lot of stuff. Without going into a lot of details I am going back in the closet at work. I will not speak to anyone, I will not joke with anyone and I will take breaks in my car. I am going to be one of those people no one talks about because they blend into the background like telephone poles…no one notices telephone poles, but they are everywhere. I hate that because I am “different” I have to defend myself and my personal life from unsubstantiated, and untrue claims. I hate that because I am gay I automatically have no right to privacy of any kind, while straight people can have as much privacy as they want. Just another FYI I have told NO ONE I am gay at my place of work, NO ONE. The only people who do know are my friends that I have known for more than 4 years. My friends aren’t the ones talking shit, it is the people who don’t know me and assume my life is open for discussion. Without going into details, I had to go talk to my boss about it today, it got so bad I had to talk to my boss about me being a homosexual, awsome.

Oh and I have been told I can’t say “Peace out” anymore, it is a trademarked phrase, so if anyone has any suggestions for a new way for me to end my converstaions and posts, feel free to drop me a comment.

Jeff

Life without the interweb

So I don’t blog anymore, well I didn’t for a month….and you know what I discovered? I can survive! Not only did I not blog, but I didn’t have the interweb. It was weird at first, I didn’t know what to do with my free time, I felt lost. Soon I started to go for walks with the dog, I worked in the yard and I slept A LOT. After the first few days it started to get easier, so much so that when the Comcast guy came over to fix the interweb, I didn’t even care. Now I have the problem of not knowing where to start on the interweb. What websites did I used to look at? How did I fill so much time online? These days I get online for 10 minutes and am done, there is nothing more to see.

Now time for a somewhat amusing story. I taught a 40 year-old lady how to tell time. At work every 20 minutes we change positions so you don’t get tired or are not in a crappy spot all night and I noticed she would never start “rotation.” So I said to her “Jane Doe, you need to start rotation every 20 minutes.” Jane said, “Is that on the 1, 2, 3, or 4?” I was freaking confused so I said “Rotate on 20, 40 and on the hour.” She said, and I am not making this up “There is no 20 or 40 on the clock.” So a few hours later I was in a place where we could talk and not be overheard and I asked “do you know how to read an analog clock?” She said “no, I’ve tried, but people make fun of me.” So I spent 20 minutes teaching her how to tell time.

I went to Chippendales and the Price is Right! If you want to hear how it ended, and it ended funny you have to buy a Happenings coupon book from my nephew. Email me at airvent 1 at yahoo dot com and I will send you their phone number. He has to have orders in by Tuesday, so act now. If no one buys a Happenings Coupon book I will never blog again. I went a month without blogging I can just as easily delete the damn blog. This is a threat people! The book is $20, but I will pitch in a few dollars since I am pushing this on you. I will also deliver the book to you. Did I mention my nephew is the cutest damn kid in the world? Yeah so email me! (Offer not valid in Texas or Nebraska.)

Peace