Necessity is the mother of what?

So I have been working my BUTT off these past few weeks. Now that school is out I feel like I should be working 12 hour days….so I am. Last week I worked 71 hours, and this week I am on track to beat that, so needless to say I have been thinking a lot. I think about money, school, the house, cars I want, and inventions…yes inventions. Did I also mention I have been farting a lot?

So you mix two thought streams and you get this “Dude I just farted, I hope no one can smell it, they should invent something that will let me fart at anytime.” Well here folks is my first invention. THE ASS PLEASURE!

Here is the premise, it is a devise that is fitted next to or  near your ass. It is filled with a wonderful scent that when air passes through releases the scent. Because of the micron filtration technology we have, all offending poo gas smells will be captured in the filter, and out will flow wonderful clean smelling air. I imagine this will be a conversation in the future.

Co-worker – Jeff did you just spray cologne? It smells like a Mountain Spring!

Me – Why no my good sir, I just farted, you are smeling my Ass Pleasure!

Co-worker – Bravo Jeff, Bravo.

I have decided there will be several scent families. Outdoor, holiday, baked goods, and my favorite Wild Fruits. I also envision a line of Ass Pleasure based on existing colognes…CK1 Ass Pleasure and Eternity Ass Pleasure to name a few. I was thinking that this is not just an item for men, there will be Ass Pleasures for Him and Ass Pleasures for her….and I just thought of a new one, Pet Ass Pleasures! ( I could use that one!)

So how much would you be willing to pay for this item? $1500? $1000? How about $4.99 for a two pack! Yes you heard me right, one Ass Pleasures will last 12 hours and you get two for less than the cost of a Pizza!

So what do you think of idea # 1? PATENT PENDING!

Idea #2 is one I REALLY REALLY WANT. It is called the Poomba. We have all heard of the Roomba, the creapy little vacuum thing that vacuums your floor by itself then docks itself to charge it’s batteries, well why not have an industrial strength version that will scoop the animal crap in your yard? Here is my idea.

It is an electric four wheeled machine that has sensors on it. You put stakes in the corners of your grassy area. The Poomba will know the boundries because of the sensors in the stakes and will begin to comb your yard for debris. The Poomba will have lawnmower tires and a rake-like device on the front that will scoop the poop. When the rake scoops an item the contraption will stop and the rake will lift, dumping the contents into a container on the top. When the Poomba has scoured the yard for poop it will close the lid to the poo container and re-dock itself on it’s charger. When the poo bucket is full you just release it and throw it away.

So there you are. These are the things I think about at work. And yes I know people will type  “Ass Pleasure” in Google and will be disappointing at finding the link to my blog….or will they….?

SUCK IT!