Ok, this doesn’t mean I am blogging again…

Just because I am posting this doesn’t mean it will become a habit. I saw this on Twitter, yes I have an account which I am deleting today. “The Lor” commented about it, and it broke my heart. Please click HERE before going on.

I understand some people don’t agree with gay marriage, but what I don’t understand is how people can justify putting their values above the lives of someone else. I am FOR gay marriage, but this post isn’t about that, this post isn’t about forcing my beliefs on anyone, this post isn’t about trying to challenge the definition of marriage. This post IS about having compassion, having respect for people who are different from you, it is about acting humanly to another human; this post is about how far we haven’t come as a society.

A few funny things to pass the time

The ever dapper Jasonthe pointed me to this blog….. which is consequently one of the funniest things I have ever read. EVER.

And my friend Jeremiah turned me onto this video…well through a different video he posted.

I’m baaaaaack

This blog is like Moon Shoes and weight benchs…I have to have it, I will use it all the time, please can I have one!?! Please, Please, PULEEEZZE!?! Well, I almost broke my ankle on the moon shoes, I could barely lift the bar on the weight set, and I never update this blog.

Several topics of discussion for today, and to keep them all straight I will label each section.

NEIGHBORS

A few weeks back I was cleaning the house. It was about 8 pm on a Saturday night, it was hot in my house, I was sweating, my breathe stunk and I was dirty from a full day of deep cleaning. I usually clean to loud music as it keeps my energy high, so I didn’t hear the knock at the door, but I could hear Buddy barking like crazy so I knew someone was there. So I turned off my music, picked up the dog and went to see who it was. It was someone I had never seen before so I put Buddy in the bathroom before I opened the door knowing if the dog had his way he would go for the throat. I opened the door and was greeted with a friendly “Hello I am your neighbor, how long have you lived here?” I told him more than four years. He was shocked that we had never met, he went on how he lives a few blocks away and has always wanted to come fishing in my backyard but he is so busy with work, church and the kids free time is a luxury. He went on about how the neighborhood used to be so young, and now it is all old people but there are a surprising amount of young people moving in. He went on and on for a few minutes then said, “The mail lady dropped some of your mail in front of my house, normally I would have just put return to sender on the postcard and would have sent it back, but I assume you need to pay this bill.” Yeah he was holding a disconnect notice for my electricity.

I have a neighbor across the street, I know this guy and he is okay. His mom is an alcoholic, he is on disability for a work injury and always waves to me as I drive by. I have had a few bbq’s with his family, and they are pretty nice. Yesterday I was looking for Buddy, as he developed a taste for the wanderlust, and this neighbor stopped me. He asked if I could do him a small favor. His puppy had died and he is moving and wanted to bury him by the river and asked if he could put him in the ground in my yard. I was a bit hesitant and told him my yard is probably a bad idea, but maybe behind my neighbors house would be a more suitable location. He responded “Well I need to get him in the ground soon, he has been in the freezer for almost six months.”

The Pets

I was raking some crap up from the storms last month. Just random twigs and leaves and some weeds I had pulled and dropped in the yard. I had a main pile and a smaller pile. That is when I saw Whitey running across my neighbors yard, he scaled a 6 foot chain link fence, and jumped on the big pile of junk and took a big ol‘ Duke on the top of the pile. He was shaking and looked quite worried. I stood there shocked and somewhat concerned for his health as he did his business. About 30 seconds later he took off running to the river bank and weaved his way through the Day Lillie’s and Iris’s and again scaled the 6 foot fence and tore across the neighbors yard and sat under a tree and stared me down. I have no idea what that was about.

Ok, that is all, I am hungry and it is 11:35 a.m, which is my new bedtime.

SUCK IT!

French Maids and the Past

2002 and 2003 were fun and interesting times for me. I was starting my second year at USU and was again living in the dorms. The summer of 2002 I had decided that I was going to give the LDS church another try, some would say I failed since I never really went back, but I feel like I seceded, I digress though. That year, in Snow Hall, I lived across from a dorm of girls that I instantly clicked with. There was the girl with the big gums, the girl with the mousy hair and thick glasses, the pudgy girl that thought she was Reese Witherspoon, the runner and then Sauerkraut. One day I was walking down the hall and saw S-Kraut sitting on the couch staring at nothing, I said “hi,” she looked as though I had just flashed her. She was shocked and amazed, but that was all it took to form a friendship with her. I never really got into the gossip of that dorm, but I guess most people viewed her as the “bad girl” and ignored her, after 6 years of her being one of my best friends, I would say she is misunderstood.

The Halloween of 2002, and you must know S-Kraut LOVES Halloween, S-Kraut’s two friends came to visit. One was a sexy cat who was living in Pocatello, the other a French Maid who was attending BYU, and S-Kraut a nurse…of course all of them had their toppsies hanging out like hookers, but that is how the Howl was. I went into S-Kraut’s room to talk to her as I would do from time to time, and you also need to know S-Kraut is OCD about clean, and I have never seen a room go from a sterile environment to toxic waste dump so quickly. I remember one of them was lounging in a pile of clothes on a chair, and the other was lying on a bed with no sheets, on her back, looking at a magazine surrounded in makeup, shoes, curling irons, fake eye lashes and anything else imaginable that could make you look like a tramp. I have never seen S-Krauts room like this before, I was very confused.

As I was talking to the French Maid who was going to BYU I said something about how she was dressed and how she went to BYU and it seemed a little risque, but then confessed I was a bad Mormon boy as well because I smoked and drank. We started talking about being judged and being repressed and all that stuff. I am not sure at my age, 21, I had all the answers, in fact I am sure I was repeating the same tired lines all LDS people use when they aren’t following the rules, but I liked this girl and it felt good to meet someone else who was feeling what I was.

From time to time these two girls would come back to visit S-Kraut and I always looked forward to it. One day my friend “K” and I were looking for an apartment to rent for the summer of 2003, we decided we just couldn’t afford it and had almost given up. As we were walking into my dorm I saw S-Kraut, again lying on her couch staring at nothing, and just said something like, “You should live with us this summer.” She said “OK.” And it was my favorite summer, which I have blogged about before.

The French Maid and I stayed friends since S-Kraut and I lived together, but she ended up going on a mission, so basicly it was “Game off” until she got home. After her mission she returned to BYU and I would see her every once in a while. S-Kraut graduated from college and moved to SLC  in 2005 and I tried my best to go see her as much as I could, but eventually it was every three months or so I would visit, and a phone call was made mabey monthly.

In 2006 I was going through some tough times. I was finally leaving the church for good, I was telling people I am gay and really needed my support group of best friends. I had stopped eating and couldn’t get out of this depression. S-Kraut’s apartment became my second home. Every Saturday for months I would drive down to SLC in the evening to go clubbing with S-Kraut and the French Maid. I remember the excitement of walking up the plastic lined stairs laughing to myself thinking that in a few hours I would have to follow two screaming girls as they wobbled down the stairs in skirts that were to short and shoes that were to tall. I liked knowing that the first thing S-Kraut would say to me as I walked into her apartment was “God you stink.” It is interesting to note that I have never actually seen her say this phrase before because everytime she says it she is either speedily walking away from me, or has her mouth and nose jammed into the sleeve of her hoodie. In this apartment, one that was so unassuming, is where I discovered how much the French Maid and I had in common. She too was deciding her fate with the LDS church. Many hours were spent talking about growing up in the church; talking about the good and the bad memories. We talked about doctrine that we liked, doctrine we didn’t and doctrine we thought was silly. Keep in mind these conversations were a little here and a little there, but I always felt better after talking to her, even if it was for just two minutes.

S-Kraut had the most terrible apartment, it smelled like feet and fabric softener until you hit her door, once in the safety of her apartment it was like coming home again. My spot to sleep was on the brown carpeted floor, the French Maid would sleep on a bed that doubled, unsuccessfully, as a couch. Sometimes I would go to sleep drunk, sometimes I would go to sleep sad, and sometimes I would go to sleep with a big smile on my face, but every night on that brown carpeted floor I felt at peace.

In the mornings S-Kraut would get up as soon as the sun hit her face, I would hear her watching TV and would say “I’m hungry.” I would sit up and the first thing I would see was her sitting cross legged in her worn out USU sweats and a blue USU sweatshirt, both 4 sizes to big. Her hair was always in a bun and and she was usually painting her toe nails or whitening her teeth. When I would tell her I was hungry she would throw on a pair of old Nike’s and her big sunglasses and was instantly ready. I would put on a hoodie and my sunglasses, which were generally used to hide my bloodshot eyes from the night before, and was faced with the decision of what to do with the French Maid.  The French Maid never made mornings easy for us. She would get mad if we woke her up, but would be mad if we went to breakfast without her, but if we waited for her to wake up on her own it could be mid afternoon, so what to do? We would wake her up. The French Maid would always sleepily open her eyes as if she were coming out of a deep coma and would say, groggily, “What time is it?” After scanning the apartment for her bra she dug out of her sleeve and carelessly tossed across the room the night before, she would sit up, rub her eyes, and tell me to turn around as she redressed, but it never took long.

At the IHOP in West Valley I am sure we looked like the most insane group of people. S-Kraut, who hates crowds, would be glaring at someone, for no other reason than that they exist. The French Maid still was to tired to know what day it was and I would come in after them reeking of cigarettes, again to which S-Kraut would proclaim “God you stink.” After we were seated we generally didn’t speak unless it was to criticize the kids in the next booth, or what a customer was wearing, obvious we were oblivious to how we looked. I would always leave first to get a jump start on another cigarette, I would give S-Kraut the keys so they could sit in the car and glare at me as I smoked. Back to S-Krauts apartment we would go, but this time there was a sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew the time to go back to Logan was coming. I knew eventually I would have to go back to my world of feeling second class, having deep discussion with my family about why I am a disappointment. It was the end of feeling accepted for another week.

Tonight I sit in S-Krauts new apartment, it has new carpets, a new couch, a new dining room table and and has a balcony that over looks a swimming pool and spa. Tonight I am sleeping on the couch because the French Maid now lives in Portland. I miss sleeping on the floor, I miss seeing the French maid eat Smith’s Deli Sushi and drink a Naked drink. I miss seeing S-Kraut roll her eyes after I came in from a cigarette. I miss laughing at the telephone wire where a loogie hung in limbo that S-Kraut spit across the living room and out the window. I miss the smell of burning Indian food in the hall, I miss laughing at the wall that S-Kraut punched a hole in and thought she fixed expertly, I miss trying to order dime bags and 8-balls at McDonalds. I miss the French Maid.

Come home Mel, it’s not the same without you.

P.S.

I have to add one more website to my previous list….

http://www.pgeverydaysolutions.com – This website sends you free samples of Proctor & Gamble products. I am getting a trial sample of heartburn medication, which I will save until I am 50 and will need it, and I am getting free Crest Strips! The catch is you only get one free offer per offer period. This means I wont be able to get my 2-year supply of Prilosec for free. Oh and since they are opening a factory in Tremonton we should buy more P&G products and boycott La-Z-Boy who closed up shop and moved to Mexico.

Oh, and never say “Hey are you working hard, or hardly working?” If you do I will stab you with a shiv fashioned with a chunk of your phemur. And if you see someone getting a big drink of water and you say “Hey, save some for the fish!” Expect to be kicked in the nuts, or girl nuts. Both phrases were said to me today.

SUCK IT!

Monthly posts?

Yes I post monthly, no I don’t care, and here is why. There is so much I want to post about, but lately I feel like blogging is work. I want to post about how I slept on my cat cat for 10 minutes and didn’t know, but it just seemed forced. I think the problem is I am out of practice. So I will give all my three readers my word that I will try to post more than once a month.

This months post will be about my favorite websites.

Woot.com – Many people know about this website, for good reason. Everyday at midnight CST, they post a new item at a really good price (sometimes). Sometimes the items they post are crappy, like this week they had a 20 piece ratchet set for, I think, $9.99 with $5 shipping, at Wal-Mart it sells for $17, but since it was on Tuesday you get 2 for the price of one. So you get 2 ratchet sets for about $15. The item sucked though, it was to small to really use for big jobs. Anyway at woot they have 1 item each day and if the item sells out before midnight? Well you get to wait till midnight before they post a new item. Sometimes they have “Bags of Crap.” The BOC is $3 and it can come with dollar store items or flat screen TV’s, that is the fun, you don’t know what you will get but the value is always more than the $3 you spend, they always sell out quick, so if you see a BOC BUY IT!!!!!!! I have bought a Bluetooth dongle for $1, a 2 gig MP3 player for $9.99 and something else…but I forget.

http://www.1saleaday.com/ – This website is similar to woot. They have one sale a day, and at 10:00 MST. The good about this website is they have FREE items all the time, all you do is pay for shipping. I have seen USB drives for free with $5 shipping, FREE 10-in-1 card readers and what not….VERY COOL. This website also has a tab for only wireless items, the deals are just as good. They have bluetooth items, wireless headphones and much more. VERY COOL.

www.shopping.yahoo.com – Again, this website is like woot and 1sale. I have never bought from this website before, because the items are much more expensive, relatively speaking. Today they have an 8.2mega pixel camera for $69.99 so if I needed a digital camera, this is a good deal.

Anyway I just thought I would give a heads up on all the websites I go to everyday.

SUCK IT!

A few things I have noticed

On the way to work there is a sign for Westhost. It says “…is one click away.” At 55mph the lowercase “C” and the lowercase “L” kind of look like a “D.” It really changes the meaning of the billboard.

I have also noticed that I have no idea how to do several things.

1) Use RSS feeds. I hear they are a life saver, but I have no idea how to do it.
2) Use this blog. There are features that I want to use, that I just don’t know how to work.
3) Resize photos. I know this sounds stupid, but I don’t know what I am doing.
4) And I want to rename all my music so it is all consistant, BUT HOW!

On and if anyone knows an employee for BYU that would bid on an item for me I would really appreciate it. AND one last thing. What phone should I get.

1) LG VU
2) Samsung Eternity
3) iPhone 3g

SUCK IT!

About my friend Kamille

So I am going to tell you all about my friend Kamille and why I love her. Kamille and I met in 2002 or 2003, it is really hard to say, but I am sure she will add a comment and tell me exactly when we met because she remembers EVERYTHING. Kamille and I worked together at Papa Kelseys, she was 16 and I was 21, so that would have made the year 2004 (SUCK ON THAT MS. PERFECT!!) Anyway, I came into the restaurant and saw her bending over looking into a refrigerator under the prep table and said something crude and now we are friends….no wait I think that was Jackie….I think Kamille caught me dancing to Mary Moore or Backstreet Boys….Anyway Kamille is the best.

I liked working with her because her car sucked and I liked to go outside and look at all the new Duct Tape she had applied to her car to keep it running. I also enjoyed breaking glass jars in the dumpster with her. We also had this closing routine that kicked butt, I am still convinced that if for one day we were to go back to P.K’s we could close faster than any of the current employees and would forget nothing.

Kamille and I went sledding on the snow drifts behind PK in garbage bags, I wrote her a $1 check for a dare she completed, but then told her not to try to cash it as it would bounce. Kamille and I had so much fun at P.K’s but I was old and she was a minor so we were “work friends.”

Kamille graduated from High School and moved to Jackson, it was lame, we were no longer friends. But one day I was sweeping my carport and she came over to say “hi” and we became friends….and then we weren’t because she went away again. One day I saw her car at P.K’s and laughed because we had both quit that damn job like 3 times, but always went back. I called our dear friend Jackie and we laughed at her, so I called her, it turns out she was also working at BB&B, she got me a job there, I forced her to move in with me, we went on a cruise, she moved to Jackson for the summer, she moved back to the house then she moved home and hopefully will return to the cave in my basement some day.  I miss Kamille. But don’t miss getting her mail because I still get it!!…metric butt-loads of junk mail from hippie colleges all over the country. FORWARD.YOUR .MAIL!

Here is a conversation between Jackie and Kamille.

Jackie: Hey Kamille what is one thing we have always thought about Jeff?
Kamille: Jeff is gay.
Jackie: Yes.

It still makes me laugh.

- In 2007 Kamille shaved her head bald.
- Kamille is a vegetarian, isn’t a vegetarian, is a vegetarian, isn’t….
- Kamille and I tried to fast for 10 days but on day one she ate a box of Charlston Chews
- Kamille’s dog weighs 102 lbs
- Kamille taught me to love HSM 1-2, I have yet to see 3
- Kamille hates cotton balls, talking about cotton balls, and describing how the little hairs on cotton balls  stick to your finger pads…she is gagging right now
- Kamille thinks she is tough, but is the most tender person I have met
- Kamille had a cat named Eboda and a dog named Squeakers
- Kamille and I used to have hair parties where we would spend hours doing our hair…the length of our hair? 2 maybe 3 inches.
- I once got in trouble at BB&B for bringing Kamille a glass of water….in a Waterford Crystal goblet.
- Kamille dresses up for my parties, but leaves before the party gets crazy!

Kamille is one of my bestest buddies and might need a little help from the Universe…so say a prayer, harness your chi, send good vibes or say a nice comment about her in the comment section…anything you can do to make her life a little brighter these days is appreciated.

SUCK IT!

I know, I know

So before anyone says it, I know I haven’t posted for a month, then I go and post 2 times within hours of each other…get over it, but I just saw something so funny I couldn’t help myself, I had to write about it.

So I am watching TV and this infomercial comes on for a fake fireplace that is actually a decorative space heater. As they are talking about it they list the following features…

- it is portable, so you can heat only the space you are using.

- it has a fake flame so it is cool to the touch, which is great for kids and pets.

- it is made by the Amish, so you know it is a quality product.

WAIT WHAT? It is made by the Amish? I thought I misheard it, but nope they showed pictures of Amish people working in an old barn to make these fireplaces. It is weird to say the least. Link to the insanity.

My sister makes jewelry, it is pretty cool stuff, she makes it from home and wants to turn her hobby into a part-time job so she can work from home. You should click on her Etsy shop to see if you like the stuff. If you like it, buy it and pass the word on. Don’t tell her about this blog though, very top secret from my family! Click Here, Click Here!

SUCK IT!

Predictions and other crap

So, I am a terrible blogger. I blog monthly and really don’t care. The problem these days is that I simply don’t care…did I mention I don’t care? Oh well I am sure this token blog post will keep some of you off my back

Jess on SHSNE, which I am not linking to because I don’t care to, made a very fun post last year. She made predictions for 2008, then at the beginning of this year updated us if her predictions panned out. So I am going to do the same thing!

10 THINGS THAT WILL HAPPEN IN 2009

1) I will not graduate. I know I want to, and I should, but for some reason will not.

2) I will get another pet. Let me say I do not really want another animal, but am a sucker for the sad eyes.

3) I will not “get in shape” like I threaten to every year.

4) I will pay off all my credit cards. This one I want to do, and will do.

5) The US will have a HUGE natural disaster.

6) I will date someone briefly.

7) Utah will not have an earthquake called “the big one”

I will buy another car.

9) I will regret buying another car.

10) I will have a different set of roommates.

And there you have my 2009 predictions, all of which will come true. Thinking about this, if I am as accurate as I think I am, I will never have to blog again and my dear readers will still know exactly what is going on in my life….interesting.

SUCK IT!